Hermione: Eight Ron: Zero
by UberLoopy
Summary: How many times does it take to propose to Hermione before it goes right? Follow Ron as he struggles with the difficulty of proposing to the moody love of his life.
1. Round One

**A/N: So yeah. My sister and I came up with this, i wrote it. She said it may not be as funny to those on the interwebs because we just sat there talking about it a million and one times. But, all well, i hope you still find it funny. I think i probably would. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**round one**

"Ron, this is beautiful," Hermione said, resting her wrists on the table.

"Well," Ron said, leaning back and folding his arms, "I guess I _am_ pretty talented at picking places out."

"You really are a great person," Hermione said, smiling. She looked around the fancy Muggle restaurant. It was one she always dreamed of going to as a child... and maybe being proposed to. It had a dark blue carpet and walls with dimmed lights all around the place. It was very nice.

"Aw, thanks Hermione," Ron said, leaning over the table to give Hermione a kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back and they continued to kiss.

"He-hem," the waiter interrupted them.

"May I help you?" Ron asked.

"Yes, I am here to take you're beverage orders."

"What?"

"Drinks, Ron, drinks," Hermione said, patting his hand.

"Oh, well, I'd like some fire whiskey please," Ron said.

"He thinks that's what ginger ale's are called. So a Ginger Ale for him and I'll have some... sprite please," Hermione said, looking up at the waiter.

The waiter nodded and walked away.

"Hermione, what was that for?"

"We're in a Muggle restaurant," she said in hushed tones, "they don't _have_ fire whiskey."

"Oh yeah," Ron said loudly, "What would I do without you?" he asked, equally loud, like he was announcing something to the whole restaurant.

"I dunno," Hermione said, not even half as loud as Hermione was.

"Hermione Jean Granger," Ron said, bending over. There was a ripping noise and Ron felt a breeze up hine quarters. He needed to improvise. He pretended to tie his shoe.

"What, Ronald Bilius Weasley?" Hermione asked.

"I think we should go home now," he said with a smile.

**--**

Harry heard a pop from the living room. He walked in, his wand out, to see who it was. It was just Ron.

"How'd it go?" Harry asked, putting his wand away.

Ron plopped down on the couch and Harry sat next to him.

"My pants ripped," Ron said.

Harry couldn't help but laugh, "Your... your... your pants ripped?" Harry laughed loudly at the end Ginny came out of the study to see what was going on.

"What'd I miss?" Ginny asked.

"Ron's pants ripped," Harry laughed.

"What? No they didn't," Ginny said, looking at Ron.

"His pants ripped," Harry laughed again, "When... when..."

"_Harry_," Ron growled, "_Don't tell her_."

"When he tried..."

"Tried to...?"

"To propose..." Harry started laughing some more, "To Hermione."

Ginny bursted out laughing, "Are you serious?" she screamed.

Ron turned red and nodded. Ginny had to sit down.

"Merlin, that's hilarious."

Harry nodded.

"What'd she say?" Ginny asked.

"Well, _I_ said 'I think we should go home now,'" Ron said.

"_Ronald_," Ginny said, punching her bother playfully, "You didn't go through with it?"

"Not with ripped pants at a _Muggle_ restaurant," he said.

Ginny rolled her eyes and went back to the study so they guys could continue with their conversation.

"What are you doing next?" Harry asked.

Ron shrugged, "What do you think?"

"Fireworks?"

"Ooo, good idea!" Ron said.

"Let's hope you win this one," Harry mumbled, Ron just glared at him.

**--**

**A/N: Please review! kthxbye!**


	2. Round Two

**A/N: Round two! Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter. **

**Round two**

"Ronald," Hermione said, "Why are we at a crowded field in at seven o'clock at night? It's making me Closter phobic."

"_Fireworks_," Ron said, "You _can't_ turn down _fireworks_."

"I hate fireworks," Hermione said, wrapping her sweater around her tighter. "It's cold out."

"Here," Ron said, taking his jacket off and offering it to her.

"Thank you," She said, putting the jacket on and wrapping it around herself.

Ron started bouncing around. It _was_ cold. He felt his pocket for the ring. It wasn't there.

_"Shit_," Ron mumbled.

"Ron, watch you're bloody language," Hermione said.

"Can, I... uhm... have my jacket back?" Ron asked.

"No!" she shouted, "you _cannot_ have you're jacket back. It's cold out, and I'm using it."

Ron sighed. The ring was in his jacket pocket. _How_ was he supposed to do this? The fireworks started. Hermione looked around, not sure what to do. Ron wasn't sure what to do either, he _loved_ fireworks.

"How do you _hate_ fireworks?" Ron asked.

"I just do," Hermione said.

"You didn't hate them fifth year," Ron mumbled.

"FIFTH YEAR! RONALD! OVER FIVE BLOODY YEARS AGO! THINGS CHANGE!" Hermione screamed.

"Excuse me," a lady said, "If you wouldn't mind, I have my three year old who's repeating _everything_ with me."

"Then let him repeat everything," Hermione said angrily.

The lady turned her attention back to the fireworks. Hermione growled in anger, "I hate fireworks."

"Why do you hate fireworks?" Ron asked, putting an arm around her.

"Well, maybe it's because of the loud noises and you can't read in the presence of them. Or all the bright lights which gave my grandfather a seizure once. _Or_ it's because I almost got my arm blown off by them once," Hermione said, getting angrier by the second.

"Hermione," Ron said, facing to hug her, "I love you. I love your arm too," he said, stroking her arm. A laugh came out of her and she looked up at the fire works.

"I love you too," she said, not looking at him. She looked down at her shoe's and bent over to tie them.

"Hermione," Ron said, "Look!"

"Hold on," Hermione said, "Fireworks are fireworks, they're _always _the same."

"No, they're not, hurry up," Ron said, tugging at her to get her up.

"Just let me tie my shoe."

"You're going to miss it," Ron said, giving up. And she did. The "Marry me Hermione" quickly turned into a smiley face.

Hermione looked up, "What's so fascinating about a smiley face?" she snapped.

"Nothing," Ron mumbled, crossing his arms, and pouting.

"I thought you _loved_ fireworks. More than you loved _me_," Hermione said.

"I love nothing more than you!" Ron said.

"You love _pumpkin pasty's_ more than me!" Hermione said.

"Only sometimes," Ron snapped.

"What the bloody hell is that suppose to mean?" Hermione yelled, tears coming from her eyes.

"It's _suppose_ to mean sometimes I love pumpkin pasty's more than you!" Ron snapped back.

Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing, "I can't believe you sometimes!" She screamed.

Ron bent down to kiss her. It worked.

"I really can't," she whispered once they pulled away then started kissing again.

**--**

"How'd it go?" Harry asked, stirring the soup that was on the stove.

"Well... in _the end_ it was fine," Ron said.

"Did the fireworks work?" Harry asked.

"Apparently she _hates_ fireworks," Ron said, shaking his head.

"How can someone hate fireworks?" Harry asked, sitting down across the table from Ron.

"She gave me a bunch of reasons, I don't remember," Ron said, shaking his head.

"I don't get it," Harry said.

"Neither do I," Ron said, "Neither do I."

They sat there in silence for a while.

"What should I do?" Ron asked.

"Just ask her…" Harry said, "Ooo. Sunday dinner!"

"Good idea," Ron agreed. "What could go wrong at Sunday dinner?"

--

**A/N: Please review yadda yadda. **


	3. Round Three

**A/N: So yeah, sorry it was posted so late in the day, I slept over my friends house, then I was frustrated with the computer, and now I've edited it. I hope it's worth it! I think this is my fav. chapter personally.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

**Round three**

"Hey, everybody!" Ron shouted, walking into the kitchen.

"Hey Ron," Everybody replied. Ron took his jacket off and hung it up on a hook. He took Hermione's jacket and hung it up for her.

"Thanks Ron," she said sleepily. She walked over to where she and Ron usually sit at the table and sleepily sat down.

"You okay Hermione?" Audrey asked.

Hermione nodded, "yeah," she yawned.

"You don't look it," Angelina said, "how much did you sleep last night?"

"A lot," Ron muttered.

Hermione elbowed him as hard as she could.

"Owe," he said, clutching his side, "that hurt."

"It was suppose to," Hermione said angrily.

"Everybody!" Teddy shouted, "Vicky, Dom, Molly, Lou, and I are putting on a skit for everybody! If you would please be quiet." Everybody quieted, "_Lou, the lights_," Teddy whispered to the young child. Lou ran to the light switch and stood on a chair to reach them.

The lights dimmed.

"Oh, Victoire," Teddy said over dramatically, getting down on one knee and taking a ring-box out of his pocket, "Will you_ marry_ me?"

"Oh, Teddy," Victoire said, fanning herself with her hands, "I didn't know you _felt_ that way."

"Oh yes Victoire, I _do_," Teddy said.

"Then_ of course_ I'll marry you! You're the love of my life! Dragon to my boots. The macaroni to my cheese. You're my prince, and I'm the princess!" Victoire said, falling into Teddy's arms like she was fainting.

"I'm so glad you love me that way," Teddy said, putting the ring on her finger and kissing her forehead.

"_Lou, the lights_," Teddy said. The lights went off and Teddy and Victoire went upstairs.

"One moment," Dom said, standing in front of everybody on a box with a big book in her hands.

Teddy came down and stood at the front, he was wearing black sweat pants and a black, inside out t-shirt out.

"_Lou, the lights_," Teddy whispered. Louis switched the lights on."_Molly, the music_." Molly started humming, dun-dun-dun-dunnn. Dun-dun-dun-dunnn. And Victoire walked down the stairs, wrapped in toilet paper with a bouquet of fake flowers in her hands.

Victoire got to Teddy, she dropped her flowers and they held hands.

"Do you, Teddy, take Victoire, to be you're awfully dreaded life?"

"Dom, it's _law_fully _w_edded _w_ife," Victoire corrected.

"Oh yeah," Dom said, "Do you, Teddy, take Victoire to be you're lawfully wedded wife?" she asked again.

"Yes, I do," Teddy said.

"And do you, Victoire, take Teddy, to be you're lawfully wedded wife?"

"Dom, Teddy's a boy, it would be lawfully wedded _husband_," Victoire said.

"Oh," Dom said, "Do you, Victoire, take Teddy, to be you're lawfully wedded wife… I mean husband?"

"Yes," Victoire said with a smile.

"You…?" Dom said.

"You don't need to say 'I do.' You can just say 'yes,'" Victoire said.

"Well, in my weddings you do."

"Fine," Victoire said. "I do."

"Okay, you may kiss the bread," Dom said.

"It's _bride_," Victoire said.

"That's what I said!" Dom said.

"Whatever," Victoire said.

"You may kiss the bride!" Dom yelled.

Teddy leaned in a gave Victoire a peck on the lips. Everyone went "aww" except for Ron, who just glared at the kids. He followed them up the stairs.

"Give me the ring," Ron said to Victoire, holding his hand out.

"But I still haven't gone on my honey moon," Victoire said.

"Give me the ring," Ron said again.

"Victoire, just give it to him, it's his anyways," Teddy said.

"_What?_ My wedding ring was a stolen ring?" Victoire nearly screamed.

Teddy nodded.

"We're over! I'm divorcing you!" Victoire said, taking the ring off and giving it to Ron. She ripped her Toilet Paper dress off and threw it on the ground then went downstairs.

"Why'd you take the ring?" Ron asked.

"Cause I was board," Teddy said.

"That's no answer," Ron said angrily.

"Yes it is," Teddy replied.

"No. It's not," Ron said, getting angrier by the moment.

"It's my answer so it is an answer!" Teddy shouted, running down the stairs.

"Teddy!" Ron yelled.

"Ron!" Harry said, "Why are you yelling at my godson?"

Ron whispered that it was his ring in Harry's ear and Harry's face got red with anger.

"Teddy," Harry said.

"Just because Teddy and I got a divorce doesn't mean you can yell at him!" Victoire butted in.

"Yeah," Teddy said, hiding behind Victoire.

"Yes it does," Harry said.

"He was a bad husband," Victoire said, It's not my fault he's _poor_.

"Is that the only reason you got a divorce?" Ginny asked.

"Basically," Victoire said, "he's still my friend, and you can't yell at him!" Victoire said.

"Victoire," Harry said calmly, "Could you please move?"

"Nope!"

**--**

"That was anything _but_ successful," Ron said to Harry.

"Hey, how was I suppose to know Teddy was going to steal it and use it in a play?" Harry said.

"I dunno," Ron said.

"Hey, what was it that Victoire was saying? The cheese to my macaroni?" Harry asked.

"That's Genius!" Ron shouted jumping up. "Thank you Victoire!" Ron shouted.

**--**


	4. Round Four

**A/N: So, I'm sorry for not updating yesterday I went to my grandma's and the memory stick didn't work and I got home and I was tired and then today the story just slipped my mind so here's a chapter now. Sorry it's so late. As I said it slipped my mind.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long! Apparently i have issues! And i forget things every thirty seconds! And if you want to know the whole story, leave it in you're review! Please enjoy while i go to bed and sleep :**

**Round four.**

"Hermione, let's go for a walk," Ron said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Why?" she asked, sipping her coffee.

"Because it's a nice day out," He said.

She looked out side. It was foggy and disgusting.

"No thank you," she said, "people who walk in the morning find dead bodies."

"Please," he begged.

"Why do you want to go for a walk again?"

"Cause, it's a nice day out," Ron said.

She rolled her eyes, "for you," she smiled.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thanks you!" He said. She stood up and grabbed her jacket.

"Why're you bringing you're jacket? It's warm out," Ron said.

"Well, I'm cold," Hermione said, walking out the front door and Ron following her.

The couple walked for a few minutes in silence. Ron wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into his embrace.

"I love you," she whispered.

He smiled.

"I said, I love you," she said angrily.

"Oh, yeah, I love you too," Ron said.

He stopped.

"What are you doing? Aren't you the one that wanted to go for the walk?" Hermione snapped.

Ron got down on his knees. Then it dawned on him, the ring is in his jacket pocket. He needed to improvise. He took Hermione's hand.

He closed his eyes, "will you be the cheese to my macaroni?" he asked.

"I'll give you some cheese," she snapped, whipping her wand out. Liquid Nacho Cheese spurted from the end, right into his face. She put her wand away, turned around, and walked away.

Ron watched her. What just happened?

--

"Ron!" Ginny shouted when her brother apparated into her and Harry's kitchen, "What happened?"

"She gave me some cheese," he said, sitting down at their kitchen table.

"Oh, no," Ginny said, pulling her wand out and cleaning Ron's face.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"So, what're you gonna try next?" Harry asked.

"I dunno," Ron said, "Hey Gin, how would you want to be proposed to?"

She glanced at Harry, who seemed uncomfortable, "I dunno," she lied, "You probably tried it already," she said with a laugh.

Harry bursted out laughing too.

"Ha ha, very funny," Ron said, not amused.

"Take her to a library," Ginny said, "or a book store. Make part of it look all pretty."

"Okay," Ron said.

**--**

**A/N: Please review! **


	5. Round Five

**A/N: Here's round five! Please enjoy! And, I lied to someone, I said this was the best Chapter, I thought this chapter was the last chapter but it's really the _next_ chapter that's the best chapter. Sorry!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry POtter**

**Round five**

"Hermione," Ron said, "I'm taking you somewhere special this afternoon."

"Why?" she asked.

"Cause I love you," Ron said.

"Fine," she said.

"Let's side apparate."

"Fine."

She grabbed his arm tightly and they apparated to a store. Hermione looked around,

"Where are we?" she was surrounded by "Go Cannons" Merchandise.

"Flourish and blots," Ron said, "see? Books."

"Books on child labor?" Hermione asked, "I can't believe you! You think I'm Pregnant? I'm not! You think I'm fat, don't you?! Just say it!" she screamed.

"Hermione," Ron said, getting down on his knee. "Will you be the chuddley to my cannons?"

"What?"

"Will you be the chuddley to my cannons?"

Hermione started to cry, "I can't believe you Ronald! I'm not fat!"

"What?" Ron asked, standing up.

"You called me Chubby!"

"What about the bat to my beater?"

"NO!" Hermione screamed, "No! I am not tall and lanky! You're the tall and lanky one!"

"Uhm…" Ron didn't know what to say. "But I have the key to you're cove!"

"Oh my god Ron!" Hermione said, turning around and sobbing. "You're so _stupid_ sometimes!"

"What?" Ron asked confused.

"I can't believe you would do this to me! Can't you just be blunt like you used to be?" she asked, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm confused," Ron said.

"I'm going home!" she screamed and apparated away.

**--**

"Did you decorate it all pretty like Ginny told you to?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I made it pretty with Chuddley Cannons things."

"Ron, she hates the Chuddley cannons," Harry said.

"It was still pretty," he mumbled.

"Well, what else happened?"

"She thought I was calling her fat, then tall and lanky, then she said _I_ was the tall and lanky one. Then I told her I had the key to her cove."

"What?"

"I thought she'd think it was romantic," Ron said.

Harry shook his head.

"You're a goner. Bake her something chocolatey. Girls like that," Harry said.

"You're a life saver," Ron said.

**A/N: Shakes head Ronald, Ronald, Ronald, when will you learn? Please review if you have any ideas! Hey, even if you _don't_ have any ideas review!  
**


	6. Round Six

**A/N: I think this is my favorite chapter. I really do. There's two more after this! Yay! Or booo! (Which one? I don't know! Ahhh!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Round six**

"I can't believe you burnt the house down," Hermione said, her arms crossed, "I really can't."

Ron just stood there, not able to believe it either.

"I really can't," she said, "really, we need a house. What're we going to do? Harry and Ginny won't let us move in with them. I _don't_ want to move in with you're mother. We can't. What are we going to do, Ron? WHAT? Live on the fricking streets?" Hermione nearly screamed.

"Hermione," Ron said, "It was an accident."

"_It's our house_," Hermione said, waving her hands at the muggle fire-fighters putting out their burnt down house.

"Hermione, just listen to me."

"No, I won't listen to you! I want to sleep. That's all I want to do right now! But I can't! Because you burnt the fricking house down!" She screamed. She folded her arms and shook her head, "I can't believe you."

"Well, I was trying to bake _you_ something."

"Big success that was," Hermione muttered.

"Can't we just 'reparo' it once the muggle's are gone?" Ron asked.

"_NO_. We can't just 'reparo' it. It's a house Ronald, not a chair!"

"Well, I think it's a good idea," Ron said.

"WE'RE IN A MUGGLE NEIGHBORHOOD!" Hermione screamed.

"Who's idea was _that_?" Ron asked.

"Shove it Ronald. I wanted to feel _more at home_," Hermione snapped.

"Let's go to my mums," Ron said.

"No!" Hemrione said, "I _will not_ go to you're mothers!"

"What do you have against my mother?" Ron asked-yelled.

"What do you _think_ I have against you're mother?" Hermione yelled back.

"I don't know!" Ron screamed.

"It's cause _I _don't have a mother anymore Ron. That's why I don't want to be stuck with you're mother!" she screamed, tears coming from her eyes.

"Sorry Hermione," Ron said, looking down at his feet.

"Can't you hug me?" she asked.

"Yeah," Ron said, taking two steps towards Hermione for a hug.

**--**

"So it wasn't successful?" Harry asked.

"Blood hell, no! I burnt the bloody house down!" Ron said.

"Where're you staying?" Harry asked.

"Leaky cauldron. Hermione refuses to stay with mum. I dunno what to do with her. She's so moody, I have a feeling she's _always_ going to hate me and we'll _never_ get married," Ron said. He shook her head, "she's been more moody than usual lately. No idea why."

"She hasn't looked well either."

"Nope."

"So, what're you going to try now?" Harry asked.

"Maybe I'll yell at her," Ron said.

Harry made a face, "I don't think that'll work."

"Then what do I do?" Ron asked.

"Go with you're instincs."

"Yelling it is," Ron said.

**--**

**A/N: Please review!**


	7. Round Seven

**A/N: Yay! One more chapter after this, then I can make it complete!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

**Round seven**

"HERMIONE!" Ron shouted.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I was… I was trying to fill the vase with water to put the flowers I picked in and I dropped it and now I don't know what to do!" she said quickly with tears coming from her eyes.

"What?" Ron asked confused, not comprehending a word of it.

"The vase," she sniffed, "I broke it."

"Who cares, it's a bloody vase. There's a million more at the store," Ron said.

"Oh no!" Hermione cried.

"What?" Ron asked.

"You…" she started sobbing.

"What's wrong?" Ron asked.

She started sobbing even harder.

"Hermione?" Ron asked slowly, walking over to the bed where she was sitting.

"Just say it!" she screamed.

"Will you marry me?" he said quietly.

"I knew it!" she screamed, "You want to break up with me!" She stood up and started packing her bags.

"Hermione, no, that's not it!" Ron said, stopping her.

"It's not?" She asked tears coming from her eyes.

"No," He said.

She wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank Merlin, I dunno what I would've done!" she said, snuggling her head onto his chest.

**--**

"Harry!" Ron said, walking into his kitchen, "I have horrible instincts."

"No way!" Harry said sarcastically.

"Thanks for the support," Ron said, sitting down at the table across from Harry. "What should I do?"

"Be blunt about it," Harry said.

"Last time I tried that she thought I was breaking up with her."

"You were yelling."

"I was trusting my instincts."

"Don't."

"Good enough advice for me," Ron said.

**--**

**A/N: Uhm... Please review!**


	8. Round Eight

**A/N: The last chapter! Yipee! Here you'll see how Hermione got eight, and Ron got zero! I don't like this chapter that much. It's probably because it's the end. That's my guess.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter.**

**Round eight**

"Ron, thank Merlin you're hear I have something to tell you," Hermione said, pushing him down in a chair.

"What?" he asked, nervously looking at his girlfriend pacing back and forth in front of him.

"Well," She said, her hands on her stomach. She stopped in front of him and faced him. "We need to elope. Soon. Like, in a few hours. Because soon, I'm going to start showing, and we can't live like this, and you're family will _kill me_ if they found out I was pregnant and we're not married. So…"

"Hermione, you're pregnant?" Ron asked.

"Well… yeah…" Hermione said, "so let's go."

"_Where_?" Ron asked.

"To get married! Where you _not_ listening to me?" Hermione asked.

"I heard you were pregnant," Ron said.

"Let's go!"

"Here," Ron said, handing Hermione the ring.

"RONALD!" she screamed when she opened the box, "Why the bloody hell didn't you ask before?"

"I tried," he said, "You know, the fire works, when I asked you to be my cheese to my macaroni. The chudley cannons corner of Florish and Blotts."

"Ron! That's so romantic!" Hermione said, hugging him tightly. "Let's go," she grabbed his arm and apparatd away.

**--**

"Success!" Ron said to Harry.

"When's the wedding?" Harry asked.

"About that…"

**A/N: What do you think? I would like to thank **_**everyone**_** who reviewed nearly **_**every **_**chapter. I really appreciate that. It just encourages me to keep going, I probably would **_**anyways**_**, but you know. So yes, thank you, those who reviewed every chapter (I think I'm starting to get teary eyed) (JK) it made me feel **_**so**__**good**_** inside. So, I'd just love to thank you. And yes, I love you! (Not in the creepy-stalker-way of course) **


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